It still feels surreal to talk about Anthony Bourdain in the past tense. Anthony Bourdain was charismatic. He was revolutionary. And he definitely was gone too soon. When Bourdain passed away three years ago at the age of 61, the conversation around mental health struggles wasn’t nearly as normalized as it is today. It was still prevalent, just conversationally taboo. But as director Morgan Neville explores in the documentary Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain, the larger than life TV personality wasn’t necessarily keeping quiet about the horrible disease that was depression and suicidal thoughts: he was crying out for help on camera. We just weren’t watching closely enough.

Morgan Neville (20 Feet From Stardom, Won’t You Be My Neighbor?) harmoniously captures the pleasures and pains of Bourdain colorful life, and is careful not to ruminate too long on his demons. Told through Bourdain’s own voiceover narration (a very meta move), Roadrunner is an engrossing look at how he went from “dishwasher, to cook, to chef, to fuck-up” (his words). After the overnight success of his book Kitchen Confidential entered the cultural zeitgeist, Bourdain took his talents to TV. It’s here where he became a household name, traveling the world in search of great food and bridging the gap between countries in his hit shows No Reservations and Parts Unknown.

In poignant narration, Bourdain admits that he had the greatest job in the world, but it was one he could never escape from. This affected his mental health, family life, and relationships with colleagues and friends. For as widely loved as he was, Bourdain was lonely. Despite his success and acclaim, he openly admits that he questioned everything constantly and had often thought about harming himself.

His addictive personality eventually moved from his work life to his love life in the form of an Italian actress and early Harvey Weinstein #MeToo accuser Asia Argento, and this is when those closest to the TV personality noticed a shift in his demeanor. Interviews with the production crew, his ex-wife, and friends say Bourdain’s complete obsession with her contributed to his downfall, although we should be careful not to blame Argento herself for his death. After all, he was the one who made the devastating decision to end his own life, no matter how heartbroken she made him feel.

Morgan Neville is the perfect person to capture this complicated figure, flaws and all. Anthony Bourdain lived with an irreplaceable spark and charisma that made him feel like a close, personal friend and that’s what makes this documentary so hard-hitting and culturally important. In one of the film’s earlier scenes, Bourdain talks openly about dying. In his signature style of cheeky humor, he tells a colleague that thinking about his death is “therapeutic.” Retroactively, though, it’s clear that he was only half-joking. Roadrunner offers a glimpse into the inner thoughts of Bourdain himself and while it has a somber through line, there is optimism and peace sprinkled throughout.

And man, does it feel good to see him on the TV screen again.

Distributed by Focus Features. Opening this Friday at The Landmark in West LA, Laemmle Monica, Laemmle Pasadena Playhouse 7, Laemmle NoHo 7, AMC Century City, AMC Sunset 5, AMC Universal Citywalk, AMC Burbank 16, Alamo Drafthouse Downtown, and Regal LA Live, among others.